#METOO

Image credit: Meroo Seth for The Washington Post

Although it has only recently rooted itself into the Indian soil, the movement has been sweeping the internet off for over a year now. For those who have no clue what the hashtag is about, it was an attempt by social media to create awareness about widespread sexual assaults and harassments that have been occurring across the world and also to get media coverage over these issues hoping for empathy, justice and social reformation in the future. Since our education system lacks severely in the area of sex-ed, we took it upon ourselves to give you some of the basics of consent so that we can put the #METOO to rest.

• What is consent?

Consent = Permission

Consent is basically giving permission or agreeing to engage in sexual activities with another individual (including all kinds of physical activities, such as kissing or intimate touches). If one of them involved in the activity does not give consent or is forced into it against their will, then the activity is considered as sexual assault / rape / sexual harassment.

• How does it work?

A) Appearance: The way that the person is dressed, however provocative it may seem in no way means that they are consenting.

B) Body language: The person’s behavior or what they choose to talk about does not necessarily mean that they give consent, unless verbally said so.

C) Relationship: Your relationship status with that person, even if you have been together for long or married to them, does not mean you have consent over their body. Marital rape is still rape.

D) Previous experiences: Even if you and your partner have been involved in sexual activities in the past, it is important to get consent every time. Previous experiences do not give you rights to any future encounters.

E) Withdrawal of Consent: If your partner does not want to continue doing so, or feels uncomfortable they can withdraw their consent. If they do so, respect their boundary.

F) Limits: Consent has limits too. If you are given consent to kiss, that does not mean you are given consent to their body. It is very important to verbally establish your limits with your partner regarding their limits and boundaries.

G) Silence: Silence in no way means consent. No matter how inviting the situation may seem, silence is a no. There is always a possibility that your partner might be in a state of shock and might not be able to process what is happening, which leads to silence. Verbal consent is extremely important.

H) Incapacitation: If your partner is intoxicated (under drug or alcohol influence) then do not proceed. Even if they say yes, they might not mean a yes. Do not accept consent if the person is under the influence of substance.

• How does a ‘yes’ look?

A verbal “yes” is the best form of consent. Ask your partner if they are comfortable with what is happening. Make sure they aren’t in a state of shock or being hurt. Other than a verbal ‘yes’, physical responses from your partner (reciprocation or advancements) may also, in some cases, be considered consent.

• The different forms of no!

NO MEANS NO! But at most times, a ‘no’ may not sound exactly like that. This might sound a bit confusing, so let me break it down for you. Sometimes, your partner might not be in a position to give you a strong no. So, always be on the lookout for other signs.

No could also sound like “I don’t like this”, “I don’t think we should do this now”, “I am not ready”, “can you please not...”, “I am scared” and so much more. If the other person does not look as invested in the activity as you are or seems to be confused, stop immediately. This is also a no to consent.

Although as a feminist I feel really empowered to see #METOO going around, creating all this change and awareness, I really wish it did not exist. Its purpose might serve a good cause, but the mere existence of such a movement really speaks volumes on how women and children are being treated in society.

- Kaaviya Balakrishnan

#MeToo #SexEd