Envy Yourself, Not Others

A dean’s reflections on resilience, role models, and the enduring power of education

Dr. Sharmila Sankar, Professor and Dean of the School of Computer Information and Mathematical Sciences, is candid about the twists and turns of her personal and professional journey. As the only daughter among three siblings, she grew up cherished as the “princess” of her family, yet life changed dramatically after marriage. When her husband was diagnosed with hemophilia, a rare medical condition unfamiliar to most doctors, she found herself pushed into the reality of managing hardships and building resilience from the ground up. “It was even difficult for me to buy a milk packet for my kid. That’s where I started from,” she recalls.

This adversity taught her the value of being a good listener and showed just how much strength a woman can cultivate. “Women are a superpower. In a single shot, I can say, superpower. We can manage everything,” Dr. Sankar asserts. Her conviction is rooted in personal experience and a deep belief in the unique multitasking ability that women bring to every facet of life.

Challenging the Homemaker Stereotype

Dr. Sankar is clear: one cultural belief that must change is the view of women as solely homemakers. “The housewife picture needs to be changed. We can be both professionally good and also the best mom, wife, or daughter.” For her, stepping out to pursue a career meant sacrificing time with her children, a loss she still feels keenly. Yet, she credits her father with empowering her to build a professional life. “He used to say that it’s not that, if you’re a woman, you have to stay at home and take care of children. I made you take this degree so you’d go out and do something.” His support laid the foundation for her courage and ambition.

Defining Strength and Independence

The episode that most defined Dr. Sankar’s self-belief was bringing her husband back from a life-threatening illness with little help from relatives or friends. “All that we had was just sold out…that actually gave me the confidence that we can always live a better life without anybody’s help.” She realized that while independence is crucial, money alone will not save you: “It’s more about independence in life. Money is not going to save us.”

The Power and Distinctiveness of Women

Dr. Sankar sees womanhood as distinct in the capacity to play multiple roles that men often cannot. “Bringing up a child without a mom is really difficult in this world.” She highlights how mothers impart morals and comfort that are hard for fathers to replicate. Emotional expressiveness, she notes, is another strength women often bring to family and society.

Her own parents modeled a balanced family dynamic. Her mother managed finances and cared for two families, while her father focused on work and education. “My father would never get into the finances. He’d give the salary to my mom and she’d manage two families.” Yet, for education, her father went out of his way to provide whatever was needed and even helped others in the community.

Equality and the Central Role of Education

Dr. Sankar emphasizes that she and her brothers were treated as equals, sometimes receiving even more importance herself. "We were treated equal. More importance was given to me." She credits education with opening the doors to empowerment: “Without this degree, we would have not come out at all…education made us understand our own powers.”

She believes every degree and every field matters. “All the degrees are equal. The way you take it is different… If you want to do something here, some transcription or translation to another language, you should be a language expert. Everyone is needed.”

Advice for Women and Society

For Dr. Sankar, real progress begins with equal responsibility across society, not with segmenting support as “men helping women” or “women helping women.” “Without everyone’s help and understanding, nobody can come up. It is equal for everybody. Don’t be jealous of others growing. Envy yourself, not others.”

She cautions against chasing material success for its own sake: “Everyone is just running behind money, which is not going to help. Earning for bread is fine; earning to buy an Apple phone, I don’t think it’s needed.” The advice she offers is as much for her younger self as for every woman reading her words: “Morality is very important. Envy yourself, don’t envy others. That will help us grow.”

The Critical Role of Family

Family, she says, is at the heart of empowerment. “Being a good father, being a good mother, being a good brother, being a good sister, impart education to every woman.” Education, for Dr. Sankar, is not just professional training but learning about the world and how to navigate it. When women step out into society, she believes, education will always help them find their way.

Dr. Sharmila Sankar’s narrative is a testament to the strength found in adversity, the support that transforms potential into achievement, and the wisdom of measuring yourself only by your own growth. Her advice is simple: focus on self-worth, cultivate moral values, and trust that education will open the doors that matter most.

Interviewee: Dr. Sharmila Sankar

Interviewer: Sheereen